This is true love

where the F did summer go??

2006-08-17T06:02:42Z

it's been a while...

-i just smoked the last cigarette. you dont know how sad that makes me

-sometimes it's so hard to let people go.
i let him go once, did what i thought was best for me, and he reeled me back in
i keep hoping things will change
brushing off the bad and focusing on the good
sometimes i find myself wanting to scream "youre such a little boy!"
but i dont. i cant be mean, say hurtful things...

so yesterday sucked. horribly.
i throw up and automatically i have an eating disorder??
if that wasnt upsetting enough i get to deal with the fact that he just left and we havent spoken since.
whatever, man....

i'm going to be busy with work and school, i dont have time for this crap
sigh* i'd so love to make time for something amazing, though

ahhhhh! it's so depressing when i think about how in love i was today a year ago
i was never second
now i'd feel lucky to make second

-i hate waiting for a phone call that you know youre not going to get

-school. monday. 8 am. piss.

i make believe that dreams are real
i sleep so i dont have to feel

yesterday i took a 4 1/2 hour nap

keep me runnin' back to you

2006-07-19T15:44:31Z

i really don't want to be at this apartment. at all.

i'm not sure who's gonna make me scream first, captain obvious or my dog.

i miss a boy's contagious smile.

i'm spending all my money and making none.

went to grayson lake the other day for the first time. it was bitchin. i love my max and sperma's boys =)

my tummy hurts =(

i really, really need to work tonight and tomorrow. yea, i have to come up with $700 by the 31st. fun stuff.
"i can't think about that right now. if i do i'll go crazy. i'll think about that tomorrow."

i wish i could turn gracie into a cat. a very chill cat.

*how come you don't make time for me anymore
that's the last thing she said to you
and now when you call she don't answer anymore
or the line is busy and you can't get through

in the time it would take you to learn from your mistakes
in the time it would take to dial the phone
in the time it will take you to realize her greatness she'll be gone, she's moved on
to someone who takes the time*

my dog's eating ants out of the window. =P

peace.

sometimes i give myself the creeps. sometimes my mind plays tricks on me

2006-06-17T17:32:27Z

i bought a new journal last spring and i wrote in it all summer then couldnt find when i moved to the apt. i was rather sad, btw. i found it a couple minutes ago. really odd to read it, but i'm so glad i got to.
i talked about how scared i was to have a b/f and how scared i was of break ups. that's exactly what i'm feeling now, but i'm so glad i wasnt too scared to date tyler. we had so much fun and i loved him so. sooo...maybe i shouldnt worry that i'm scared now. it's just normal for me?
maybe something awesome will come of this, maybe not. i dunno.
i just want something new to sweep me away. make me not think about last summer's amazingness constantly.

oh, and if i don't get to go to the beach i'm going to be really sad. =(

girls suck. period. the end.

he's coming home todayyyyy =D

i want a boy to make this my ringtone =)

2006-06-15T03:10:53Z

She makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up
Just one touch
And I errupt like a volcano and cover her with my love
Babygirl, you make me say Ohh ohhh ohhhh
And I just can't think of anything else I'd rather do
Than to hear you sing, sing my name the way you do
When we do our thing, when we do the things we do
Babygirl, you make me say Ohh ohhh ohhhh

Sexy love, girl, the things you do
Keep me sprung, keep running back to you
Oh, I love making love to you
Babygirl, you know you're my sexy love

Oh, baby, what we do it makes the sun come up
Keep on lovin' 'til it goes back down
And I don't know what I'd do if I would lose your touch
That's why I'm always keepin' you around... my sexy love

best song about sex everrr =)

2006-06-08T16:00:47Z

Here I lay
Still and breathless
Just like always
Still I want some more
Mirrors sideways
Who cares what's behind
Just like always
Still your passenger
Chrome buttons, buckles and leather surfaces
These and other lucky witnesses
Now to calm me
This time won't you please
Drive faster
Roll the windows down
This cool night air is curious
Let the whole world look in
Who cares who sees anything
I'm your passenger
I'm your passenger
Drop these down and
Put them on me
Nice cool seats
There to cushion your knees
Now to calm me
Take me around again
Just don't pull over
This time would you please drive faster
Roll the windows down
This cool night air is curious
Let the whole world look in
Who cares who sees what tonight
Roll these misty windows down
To catch my breath
And then go and go and go just drive me
Home and back again
Here I lay just like always
Don't let me go
Take me to the edge

juicystarhoney @ 2006-05-29T15:32:00

2006-05-29T19:33:42Z

i'm a sucker for a sweet talker.

-weve got movies on our list to see
things to do just you and me
calls to make from here to there and back
weve got fun to have and days to spend
stars to see or just pretend
at least for now just keep things right on track -

so set fire to everything you thought you knew about me...

2006-05-16T03:22:22Z

-so, i have a new job in charleston serving. i'm going to try to come home friday or saturday.
gosh, i'm sooo going to miss everyone at work =( sigh*
but it's time for summer to start. definitely.

-i love this icon

-i hate this weather

-warped tour is a must this summer

-i need to tan. sooo badly. yes

"show me, show me how you do that trick
the one that makes me scream" she said
"the one that makes me laugh" she said
and threw her arms around my neck
show me how you do it
and I promise you, promise that
i’ll run away with you
i’ll run away with you

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you
Oh, I’m in love with you

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You’re just like a dream

-i hate periods.

-my knee hurts. boo

-boys are silly and confusing. i'm not sure i care for them too much, nope

-i have amazingly high hopes for this summer! =) i hope it's longgg and lovely. <3

i'm not your star...

2006-05-04T03:48:00Z

-ughhh. he's so cute. why does he have a girlfriend?? =P

-something corporate makes me feel amazing.

-all i do is work. my feet ache..

"men can do terrible things. yes they can."

-ohhh, i can't wait for summer. it's going to be here soon in all it's glory. <3

-school...bills...work...distance...it ruined us. we didnt need those things. we were perfect. i want to be as happy as i was then now. that would be amazing... </3

juicystarhoney @ 2006-04-27T23:36:00

2006-04-28T03:37:07Z

girlfriends suck

about time for bed...the eyes are burning.

2006-04-10T04:14:27Z

i love my roomie <3 i'd be so lonely without her.

being a server is lovely.
forgetting to pay april's rent is not. =/
i'm an idiot.

i want something new and pretty. butterflies in my tummy.
he needs cute hair and honest eyes =)
he needs to be funny...oh, and like rap and rock. a lil three 6 mafia and a lil senses fail. fabulous.
sigh* where is this boy??

juicystarhoney @ 2006-03-24T12:21:00

2006-03-24T17:24:02Z

Everyday I wake up late.
Since I quit my day job I have been sane.
But responsibilities sure do remain, but I'll just let them wait.

Because I don't know what I am doing now,
and I wont try to act like it cas I sure don't know how.
And I'll admit that I don't know, just where I'm going on this long and winding road
that's taking me to what will be my home.

So stare and see that this is me,
and I will be just what I need to believe
that something is what I'm gonna be.
And what you do is what you do and what I do needs to be true.
The things I do maybe need to be thought through,
but just remember what's right for me, might be not right for you.

Staring at this mirror and I'm wondering who you are.
Right now is a time for searching and I just wish I had a car
to drive a long distance and just think about the war,
and now life's got so much more.

juicystarhoney @ 2006-03-19T12:59:00

2006-03-19T18:19:51Z

i have today off, ohhh yeeaaa. it's a lovely thing. i'm going to spend it being semi lazy. i've cleaned a bunch, but i don't really plan on going anywhere or getting pretty.

i'm training for server next week or the week after, not sure, but yea, everyone has to come in and let me wait on them =) sorry if i suck, which i probably will for a while =/
but i'll hook you up =D

i can't wait til spring!! it's going to be fabulous.
and i'm def excited about summer, of course.

school, work, money, apartments...blahh. so unsure about all that crap.

no more fried food, fast food, pop, excessive amounts of candy and only low fat/carb icecream. i just bought a new bathing suit (very cute, btw) and i don't want to look disgusting in it.

when did they bring back the headbanger's ball?? =)

2006-03-12T04:42:15Z

-i really miss some charleston boys...and girls. sigh*

-almost stabbed a bitch at work. sooo close.
rude, rude, rude people

-pathetic ppl kinda make me sick

-tuesday it's gonna be in the 30s. hahaha, what?? not acceptable.

-i want a cute little hardcore boy that dances. =) awww
maybe some shaggy hair..maybe dyed.
tattoos.
ahhh...lovely.

NY

2006-03-06T18:53:23Z

returned from NYC yesterday. it was a lovely trip for the most part, but i'm glad to be home. i missed people *sniffle* =)

some highlights-
-trip to andrew's house (mmm cheesecake)
-Snore haha
-empire state bldg pics =)
-the cornbread at Sylvia's <3
-SEPHORA. lovely, beautiful sephora. i'm gonna miss you.

blahh-
-thursday's weather. 13 degree wind chill and a wind of 30 mph. =P
-lack of good sleep
-rushing to get ready b/c nobody knows what the heck theyre doin heh
-almost missing the train home from andrew's hehe
-not having more money to spend

- - -
ok, i want a b/f ...i think. maybe not a serious b/f, but just a boy to hang out with, talk to on the phone, that whole deal. blahh, it'll come when it comes, i guess.

i don't know what i'm going to do about school and my apt. situation.
i want to transfer to State, but i want to live with Miranda here. I suppose I could always commute.
at least then i'll have to make myself get my license heh.
i need to figure this stuff out.

oh yea, and i want a yorkie =) *sigh*

optimistic look at entries like this: I'm too big of a romantic.
not so optimistic side =/ : i always need a love interest to make me feel content.

-so i almost cried last night thinking about him. CRIED. it's been over 3 months since we broke up. according to charlotte's rule (it takes half the time you were with a guy to get over him) i should be over him by now, but alas...he's still keeping me from sleep. just occasionally, though, i guess that's worth something.

so there was this boy, probably too young for me (actually that's the reason we broke up in a round-about way), but if he were older things mightn't have felt or happened the way they did.
well, this boy totally turned my world upside down. made me trust him. we never stopped having fun. everything was warm and breezy...summer never felt so perfect, but i guess as summer ends so do summer romances.
i hate the cold. it ruins everything.
..but it won't be too long til summer's here again =) and i can't wait to spend it sitting on jessica's porch smoking black and milds, drinking margaritas and talking about boys =)

bday

2006-03-01T00:09:20Z

saturday-
shanna made me dinner and a cake =)
we all sat around for a while then went to BW3s and then over to C&O. pretty uneventful, but fun. =)
funniest part of the night: OMEGA. original max and erma's gangter assoc.

monday (my actual bday)-
work
remedies
took my friend to the ER in a cab =/
crazy arguing when i left, so roger stayed the night with me. i hope everything works out for him.
i def didnt go to work this morning.

oh yea, i love my miranda!! she made my door lovely. =)

interesting bday.
- - - -
tomorrow at 6:00 i head for NYC =D
i hope it goes well. actually i hope it's amazing.
- - -
why does he have to be sooo cute?? =)
and he likes good music...*sigh*

juicystarhoney @ 2006-02-14T07:27:00

2006-02-14T07:32:12Z

i'm sick of boys
i give up for now...until i find an ideal one.
blahhh

-i hate that he likes someone else. i miss him.
-i miss him too...but i really need to stop thinking about that

spending v-day with the ladies tomorrow evening. seeing the mass amount of couples will most likely be depressing, but i'll survive.

ugh, i'm hungry
and i so don't want to work tomorrow

sleep time

oh, it's what you do to me

2006-02-06T08:20:39Z

i wish i could sleep at night! blahh
instead i'm laying here listening to sad songs and watching muted Sixteen Candles.

*i'm sittin here all by myself just tryin to think of something to do
tryin to think of something, anything to keep me from thinking of you
but you know it's not working out cas youre all that's on my mind
one thought of you is all it takes to leave the rest of the world behind

well, I didn't mean for this to go as far as it did
and I didn't mean to get so close and share what we did
and I didn't mean to fall in love, but I did
and you didn't mean to love me back, but I know you did*

i want to watch Pretty In Pink now
and i want spring.

juicystarhoney @ 2006-01-27T01:05:00

2006-01-27T06:12:15Z

right now i'm watching Roseanne and waiting for my laundry...

i should be talking to someone cute who thinks i'm cute. i want butterflies in my tummy. i want someone to play with my hair. sleeping alone sucks.

juicystarhoney @ 2006-01-24T13:31:00

2006-01-24T18:32:25Z

it's sunny
my hair's pretty
i'm watching a really good episode of matlock
and my roomie's story made the paper
it's a pretty good day =)

juicystarhoney @ 2006-01-23T23:46:00

2006-01-24T04:46:50Z

You Are a Peacemaker Soul

You strive to please others and compromise anyway you can.
War or conflict bothers you, and you would do anything to keep the peace.
You are a good mediator and a true negotiator.
Sometimes you do too much, trying so hard to make people happy.

While you keep the peace, you tend to be secretly judgmental.
You lose respect for people who don't like to both give and take.
On the flip side, you've got a graet sense of humor and wit.
You're always dimplomatic and able to give good advice.

Souls you are most compatible with: Warrior Soul, Hunter Soul and Visionary Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

i can't get laid in this town without these pointy fucking shoes

2006-01-18T00:03:17Z

I watch my yellow cat invade my red cat in the yard
The feline war has raged for years so I assume
it’d be too hard for me to drive my foot between them
I would never risk the scratch
just to prove to one or both of them a cat is just a cat
Again, I watch my cousin Greg watch MTV inside his home
He makes fun of the hip-hop videos from the couch he rides alone
Snug in the cushion of his cackling he forgets his looming doubts
He has relied on this for years; you will not yank the carpet out
Oh, no
These are my friends
This is who they have been for always
These are my days. This is how they stay
This is who they remain forever. This is how we stay

I watch my neighbor’s son play with his shotgun in the street
I think I’ll blaze all day and marvel at the mass of food I eat
It’s strange; I’m skinny when I’m standing but I’m Buddha when I sit
and if I’m truly so enlightened why’d I waste your time on it
as I look back at all these crossroads and the middle where I stay,
right up the beaten path to boredom where the fakest fucks get laid
by the faux-finest finds
It’s been that way and god damn you
how you stay, with every scummy, crummy hour of the scummy, crummy day

head for the hills, the kitchen's on fire!

2006-01-17T17:01:00Z

thank you, God, for this weather. the warm sunny days are keeping me sane.

i hate school. i'm debating on whether or not i want to take next semester off, work full time and save up some money.

i went to the MLK symposium yesterday, which was lovely.
when they announced the winners of the art competition all the kids thanked their teachers. i dunno, it made me want to work harder for my art ed. degree...other times i don't want to use it at all. ughh..i dunno. i guess i have a while to figure it out. i'm gonna be here til 2008 =P

i'm not even gonna get started on valentine's yet =P this will the first time i havent had a valentine in like 5 years...

tonight's my lovely meaggles birthday, so Stonewall it is =)

*give me a reason to end this dicussion
to break with tradition
to fold and divide*

i miss being in love...

2006-01-07T03:48:27Z

there's this moment after a breakup when you can finally move on. an event that kicks you in the butt. today i definitely had one of those. blahh.

i hate feeling foolish. i hate feeling like i never meant anything to someone who meant so much to me. i hate wondering if i'm "missable."

i don't think i'm gonna wonder this time, though. i am missable. i'm lovely and nice. i hate to break out the cliche, but his loss.
- - - - -
-i got my refund! =D i can pay rent! =D always a good thing.
-i sooo don't wanna start school. =P i miss being here with Mama Jess. i heart her <3 me and class don't do well together =/
-bought some new paint brushes..ohh yeeaa
-gotta lose a lil weight. get my abs back, yep

well, it's been real..movie time!

juicystarhoney @ 2006-01-04T22:19:00

2006-01-05T03:27:51Z

We like them boys that be in the lacs leanin
Open their mouth their grill gleamin
Candy paint, keep that whip clean and
They always be talkin' that country slang, we like
They keep that beat that be in the back beatin
Eyes be so low from the chief and
I love how he keep my body screamin
A rude boy that's good to me, with street credibillity

If his status ain't hood
I ain't checkin for him
Better be street if he lookin at me
I need a soldier
That ain't scared to stand up for me
Known to carry big things
If you know what I mean
If his status ain't hood
I ain't checkin for him
Betta be street if he looking at me
I need a soldier
They ain't scared to stand up for me
Gotta know to get dough
And he better be street

- - - - -
i wanna be at the club

juicystarhoney @ 2005-12-31T12:17:00

2005-12-31T17:23:07Z

i miss him